Raising an Addict
A Mother's Story of Her Son's Addiction
Photo: Michele Borzoni
My firstborn son is handsome, elegant even, with large brown eyes and olive skin, a little over six feet tall, and so very smart. A graduate of Boston University with a bachelor's degree in communications, he has worked in Boston, New York City, and Washington, D.C., for some of the most well-known public relations agencies. He could be anything he wanted to be.
He is a drug addict.
So begins Libby Cataldi's memoir, "Stay Close: A Mother's Story of Her Son's Addiction," wherein she recounts her son's downward spiral into an intense ketamine and heroin-fueled addiction that nearly killed him. For Jeff Bratton, now 29, what started as recreational use of the usual gateway drugs, alcohol and marijuana, quickly escalated to include cocaine, ketamine, crystal meth and, finally, heroin. Cataldi's powerful and heartbreaking account details her struggle to keep her son alive through his addiction, even while she was battling breast cancer. Today, thanks in large part to his mother's refusal to give up on him, Jeff has been sober for more than two years. AOL Health had the opportunity to speak to Cataldi about her son's addiction and how she lived through some of their darkest hours.
AOL Health: Was there a catalyst for your son's drug abuse?
Libby Cataldi: That's a good question and a hard question to answer. My [former] husband and I tried our best to provide a stable environment for our kids. We did a lot as a family so the real question is where does addiction come from? There are no easy answers. One son is an addict. One son isn't an addict. Some medical authorities will say it's an illness -- a chemical imbalance in the brain. Others will say that there's a propensity for [addiction], just like there's a propensity in a family for diabetes or depression. Where did it come from? What was the catalyst? I don't know.
Jeff says it started at a party. It started with alcohol and pot, and it was nothing but a party. It was fun. He said after awhile he got caught in a sandstorm, and all of a sudden it wasn't about a party anymore, it was about Jeff getting loaded. So where's the line between the party and the addiction? There isn't any real clear answer as to why Jeff is an addict and [why] Jeremy [my other son] isn't. Why did I have breast cancer and nobody in my family had cancer? I don't know.
AOL Health: Were there any other red flags early on that pointed to an increased risk for drug abuse?
Cataldi: Yes. There were definitely signs along the way, and I missed some of them. A psychologist asked once, "How many red flags do you need?" Jeff got arrested [when] he was caught stealing cigarettes in the 6th grade and things escalated.
AOL Health: Were there any recurring signs that signaled he was using drugs?
Cataldi: There are some things I should have paid attention to like weight loss, change in attitude, [the loss of a] sparkle in his eyes. Friends make a huge difference, but I wasn't paying attention. I thought that they were okay.
A girl called me and she said, "Jeff's using heroin." And I [said], "Heroin? How could it be heroin?" And she said, "Haven't you seen him nodding off?" I had been seeing him nodding off for a long time, but I didn't educate myself. I didn't know that was a sign of heroin [use]. When he came home with swollen feet and shoelaces that weren't tied and he tells me, "Well, momma, this is the fashion," I'm thinking, "This is okay." Meanwhile, he was shooting heroin into the veins in his feet, and his feet were so swollen he could hardly put on shoes.
AOL Health: Looking back, do you think these were obvious signs you missed? And if so, do you regret not acting sooner?
Cataldi: Anybody listening would probably think, these signs were so obvious, where were you? But the reality is, as a mom, I don't think I'm so unusual. The other problem with saying, "Yes, there's a problem. My kid is an addict," is [that] now I have to do something. So admitting it is really hard because what do I do? I didn't know. That's where Al-Anon [a self-help organization for family and friends of those addicted to drugs and alcohol] helped me a lot. And I wish I had gone a lot sooner.
I'd be a liar if I said to you that I didn't have a lot of regrets. Maybe I could have done something differently from the beginning. For me there were high expectations. I wanted my kids to be great. When they were at school or with me, they were an extension of who I was and I wanted them to be perfect. But they weren't and neither am I.
AOL Health: Did you have a clue about what was going on with him or were you in such deep denial that you couldn't acknowledge he had a problem?
Cataldi: I was in denial. Big, big, big denial and lived an illusion. What did I know? When he was 19 he went to his first drug rehab center. He started using pot and alcohol at 14. He used ketamine [also known as Special K and commonly used as a date rape drug] for many years. Ketamine is an animal tranquilizer, and he shot [it] into his legs and into his arms. That was [his] drug of choice for many, many years until he started heroin. So when he was 19 I realized my kid was in trouble and so I forced him to go [to rehab.]
Continued: Libby Cataldi Discusses Jeff's Rehab and His Double Life
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Recent Comments
Wisdom4578 08:58:37 AM Jul 20 2009
It is wonderful he got help. So hard for family to help and be involved with drug addiction because parents are powerless with this. But for real MOM'S they never ever give up on their children even after they have passed away. My son told me mom you can not give up. I miss him so much he was only 23 years old. www.money-burge.com
Wisdom4578 08:58:06 AM Jul 20 2009
Type your own It is wonderful he got help. So hard for family to help and be involved with drug addiction because parents are powerless with this. But for real MOM'S they never ever give up on their children even after they have passed away. My son told me mom you can not give up. I miss him so much he was only 23 years old. www.money-burge.com comment here
Wisdom4578 08:57:30 AM Jul 20 2009
It is wonderful he got help. So hard for family to help and be involved with drug addiction because parents are powerless with this. But for real MOM'S they never ever give up on their children even after they have passed away. My son told me mom you can not give up. I miss him so much he was only 23 years old. www.money-burge.com
Wisdom4578 08:56:29 AM Jul 20 2009
It is wonderful he got help. So hard for family to help and be involved with drug addiction because parents are powerless with this. But for real MOM'S they never ever give up on their children even after they have passed away. My son told me mom you can not give up. I miss him so much he was only 23 years old. www.money-burge.com
LindaJohnsonD 08:24:37 PM Jul 19 2009
It is too late for me. Danielle was always the most beautiful girl when she walked into a room with her big brown "Bambi" like eyes and her bright white smile the could light up the room. However, Dani had a secret, even from me, her mom. We were best friends, we told each other everything, we went everywhere together, when she wasn't with her husband, the man who knew and say things. The man along with his pot habit, didn't think it was all that serious (he already was off in la, la, land. Yes, when he went to wake her for work and she didn't wake for work.....he had to call 911.....she had already passed in the night. I was blind, I thought her working long hours made her tired, it was her coming down time instead. However, the man who supposedly loved her, and should have had her back, didn't. Even if he couldn't do it, I ask him over and over why he didn't come to me for intervention. His remark was "I didn't want to start a fight". Start a fight????? I would have fought
ShannonHadnot 03:13:03 PM Jul 19 2009
God bless anyone who has a drug addiction and their families who are suffering along with them. I believe that addiction is a predisposition: something that an individual is born with a propensity towards. My dearly departed mother- who died of a non-drug related cause-had an addictive personality: pills in the 70's, alcohol in the early to mid 80's, and rock cocaine from the mid to late 80's. She kicked ALL habits years before cancer took her away from me. I was proud of her and let her know as much. She left the world a strong person.Knowing what I know about my mother, and her's before her (who was an alcoholic), I know NOT to ever put myself in a position to use. I believe that I too can quickly succumb to what so many addicts have. It does not matter how strong a person's constitution is or social-economic status, anyone can be at risk. I'm at risk. What helps is to know what your weaknesses and family histories are to begin with, and think about the chaotic consequences of usin
neeaack@mac.com 12:17:16 PM Jul 19 2009
For all those suffering with addicted children please consider "Families Anonymous". 800-736-9805, web site: www.FamiliesAnonymous.org. Fabulous organization with support groups. Finding it super-helpful so far. So please look into where and how you can join a group.
Dmf0817 04:54:27 AM Jul 19 2009
Bubba you sound like your prgram is the total opposite of humility- total grandiosity. "w\What about mee, what about mee! He's going to relapse but i wont because I am almighty!" Speaking of sponsors, you better call yours and start living the steps, not reading them. God bless that kid. Another success story driving satan nuts. Jeff if you're reading, keep doing what you're doing. Good to see some positive.
Barbie43213 02:52:19 AM Jul 19 2009
My 23 year old son Brent died on Dec. 4, 2005 from the consequences of a drug and alcohol addiction. In order to try and survive the grief I have turned to activism. Please visit my website www.compassionhearts.com for more information. Thank you Barb Smith
BUBBA6587 11:31:44 PM Jul 18 2009
i was all those things... coke head, pot smoker and a booze drinker...i quit 6 years ago.....i dont see anyone posting me on aol... my mom died of breast cancer when i was 2 years sober.... so he sobered up.. good for him... but he will go right back out when all the back slappin and congrats stop... most do unless they have a good sponcer and a awesome program...... and thats all i have to say about that!
